 I imagine my fish have the faces of some of the women I’ve loved. They are the faces of those I’ve caused pain to, faces that mock me from a jail-like tank while I stand there staring back at them. I see Skipper has a tumor right above his tail. His swim is partial and labored. Toots is going blind. I really want him to know everything, to see what is going on outside in the world where everything is as damaged as he is. What I have learned is that when you are born, you come from the water but later, when it is over, you’re lowered down in the dirt. And I have learned that when a fish gets sick, you don’t flush him because fish suffer in sewer systems for hours, days or weeks. So when Toots bad eye faces me, I put Skipper the one with cancer in a plastic bag. I place him outside on the ground and pulverize him with my boot again and again . . . Inside there is no giant shoe to stomp down on me when I grieve, so I collapse onto the bed. The fish swim to the edge of the glass to see if I want to talk but right now, I don't. Timothy Gager is the author of eight books of fiction and poetry. He has had over 200 pieces published in the last three years.. He lives on www.timothygager.com. CommentsChris Katz 04/05/2010 09:59
"What I have learned is that when you are born, you come from the water but later, when it is over, you’re lowered down in the dirt." What an elegant line. This seems like it could have been uttered hundreds of years ago. Parker Tettleton 04/05/2010 11:35
Very poignant and to the point - great story! Douglas Campbell 04/05/2010 14:07
A creative, engaging approach to the subject of loss. Well done, Timothy! 05/24/2012 00:16
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