I imagine my fish have the faces of some of the women I’ve loved. They are the faces of those I’ve caused pain to, faces that mock me from a jail-like tank while I stand there staring back at them.
I see Skipper has a tumor right above his tail. His swim is partial and labored. Toots is going blind. I really want him to know everything, to see what is going on outside in the world where everything is as damaged as he is.
What I have learned is that when you are born, you come from the water but later, when it is over, you’re lowered down in the dirt.
And I have learned that when a fish gets sick, you don’t flush him because fish suffer in sewer systems for hours, days or weeks. So when Toots bad eye faces me, I put Skipper the one with cancer in a plastic bag. I place him outside on the ground and pulverize him with my boot again and again . . .
Inside there is no giant shoe to stomp down on me when I grieve, so I collapse onto the bed. The fish swim to the edge of the glass to see if I want to talk but right now, I don't.
Timothy Gager is the author of eight books of fiction and poetry. He has had over 200 pieces published in the last three years.. He lives on www.timothygager.com.
I see Skipper has a tumor right above his tail. His swim is partial and labored. Toots is going blind. I really want him to know everything, to see what is going on outside in the world where everything is as damaged as he is.
What I have learned is that when you are born, you come from the water but later, when it is over, you’re lowered down in the dirt.
And I have learned that when a fish gets sick, you don’t flush him because fish suffer in sewer systems for hours, days or weeks. So when Toots bad eye faces me, I put Skipper the one with cancer in a plastic bag. I place him outside on the ground and pulverize him with my boot again and again . . .
Inside there is no giant shoe to stomp down on me when I grieve, so I collapse onto the bed. The fish swim to the edge of the glass to see if I want to talk but right now, I don't.
Timothy Gager is the author of eight books of fiction and poetry. He has had over 200 pieces published in the last three years.. He lives on www.timothygager.com.
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