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SUGAR by Dan Powell

11/27/2010

15 Comments

 
Picture
She gave her love away like jelly tots to sticky fingered boys with sugar smiles. Her parents had told her it was good to share though they hadn't meant like that. I watched as other boys grabbed a handful to fill their appetite and were gone as soon as they swallowed. Stood outside the youth club, her nail chewed fingers squeezed the once-more empty plastic wrapper of her heart.

I told her my Dad owned the kiosk in town and I promised her cola cubes and sherbet and pear drops and whatever else she chose to fill the space her love had left behind. We walked along the canal to the high street and from there across to the market, empty this late in the evening, stalls vacant as extractions in a sweet toothed mouth.

Dad's keys, lifted from his jacket pocket, unfastened the locks and bolts and I opened the kiosk for her like a gift, like the lid of a jewelry box. The strip light flickered on, bouncing off the glass jarred shelves of peppermint humbugs, cola cubes, licorice and pastel shaded sherbet. Holding hands we stepped inside.

She sat on the counter and I measured out a quarter of rainbow drops, of white mice, of strawberry laces and rang them up on the till. For each bag she paid with a kiss so much sweeter than anything my father stocked, her eyes screwed shut, holding tightly to something. She upended a paper bag glittering with space dust, pouring what remained into her mouth like people do their last few crisps. Space dust flickered, lost between mouth and bag, and fell to the skin revealed by her low cut top, sparkling on the swell of her chest. She licked a finger, ran the tip across the dusting on her skin and offered it to me.

Underneath the sweetness a sourness found my tongue as I sucked the dust from her finger. I saw her see it in my eyes, saw her see that I knew just how it felt to be her.

'How?' she asked.

'I can taste emotion,' I said, which sounds so much more pretentious now than when I said it there, in the cramp of the kiosk, surrounded by so much sweetness trapped behind glass. She smiled and kissed me again, this time her eyes open and gazing into mine, watching me show her exactly how she felt. I kissed her back and prayed that I would taste her love me.

Dan Powell writes fiction of all shapes and sizes. He can be found at www.danpowellfiction.com

15 Comments
Adam B link
11/27/2010 05:12:10 am

Wonderful imagery, Dan, between the sweet and sour of young love.
Adam B @revhappiness

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Icy Sedgwick link
11/29/2010 06:52:36 pm

Fabulous story, Dan. Sweet, but terribly poignant at the same time. What a riot of colourful descriptions.

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Al Bruno III link
11/29/2010 07:20:14 pm

Really great work. Consider yourself a recommended read...

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Dan Powell link
11/29/2010 11:23:12 pm

Thanks for the kind words, folks. Glad you all liked it.

@Al - cheers for the recommendation.

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Eric J. Krause link
12/3/2010 02:52:51 am

Excellent story! Just as sweet as all the candy in the kiosk. Hopefully he tastes her love for him.

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John Wiswell link
12/3/2010 07:35:11 am

Smooth avoidance of the typical emotional parasite. Him wanting her to love rather than merely as a snack is a good move.

And what's a cola cube? That sounds delicious.

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Dan Powell link
12/3/2010 04:50:28 pm

Thanks guys.

@John - A cola cube is a cola flavoured boiled sweet about the size of a sugar cube. They are as brilliant as they sound when you're eight years old.

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Deanna Schrayer link
12/4/2010 07:43:43 pm

Wow Dan, that first sentence is such a gem I thought the rest couldn't possibly match it, but it did more than that - it exceeded.

I absolutely love the imagery and your metaphors here. Brilliant story!

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Aidan Fritz link
12/5/2010 02:56:47 am

I love the opening you used, "She gave her love away like jelly tots to sticky fingered boys with sugar smiles". It drew me into the story and I liked the taste details which fit nicely with the ending. The image that stuck with me was the way that you described how she upended the bag like the last set of crisps. Distilled, fresh yet so obvious enjoyed thoroughly.

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colin james
12/5/2010 03:07:18 am

Really enjoyed. Excellent stuff. I could smell the colours :)

Colin.

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12/5/2010 05:59:09 pm

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OliviaTejeda link
12/6/2010 07:53:03 am

You've really piqued all the senses, Dan. Sparkles, sugar, sweetness, light, the metaphor carries beautifully throughout. It's a poignant story about two of my favorite things, candy and love.

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Jen Brubacher link
12/12/2010 05:49:05 pm

Dan, this is incredible. Your imagery is so wrapped up in the feelings going on here I felt like your character, tasting the emotion. There was something a bit dangerous about it, too. This is not a situation that's good, no matter its sweetness. Very well done.

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Dan Powell link
12/15/2010 01:35:37 am

Thanks so much for the kind words. Getting feedback like this is always a pleasure. So glad you all enjoyed the story.

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